The Coolest Thing Ever

Today B had a tooth pulled. His 7th tooth that has had to be extracted. Did I mention that he is not quite 8 yet? In general conversation, the oral surgeon tells B that it is very important that he take care of his permanent teeth so that he doesn't lose them as well. I gently reminded him that B's issues are not from lack of care, or lack of brushing. He doesn't drink soda, was off the bottle at 10 months old....etc. I then went on to tell him that he has a brother 15 months older than him who has had the exact same issues with his (baby) teeth. Doc says "Oh, I didn't know you have another son." I replied that I didn't. He was clearly confused and I could see him thinking it through, so I tell him that B was adopted and that we have an open adoption - which is how I know this about the teeth.
After a few questions from him, Doc says "That is pretty cool ." I just couldn't resist. I said "Now let me tell you the rest of the story...." and I shared with him about A. With wide eyes and smile, he says " Ok, so that is actually the coolest thing ever!" And then off we went to the Treasure Chest for a toy.
On the way home I called D and told her about the conversation. We laughed and talked for a bit before hanging up. And then it hit me - THAT was actually "THE COOLEST THING EVER". The fact that we have this incredible, amazing open adoption. The fact that I can pick up the phone anytime - day or night - and call to talk about the kids or even just the weather. The fact that our children not only know about each other, but actually know (and love!) each other. The fact that 8 years ago this month we connected with each other as strangers.
Today we are a family that our shared children created and THAT is pretty darn cool to me.

Can I be both?

With all the hoopla surrounding Palin's daughter's pregnancy, naturally the topic comes up at home. DH is strongly opposed to abortion, as am I. However, I am pro-choice. He says I cannot be both. I say that I can.
For me, I am anti-abortion. For others, I am pro-choice. My feelings on abortion come from my life experiences. I am unable to have children. If you had asked me when I was 17 what I would do in the case of an unplanned pregnancy, I would have answered without hesitation that I would terminate. But at 17, I didn't know I was unable to have children. At 34, I am a mother because another woman chose not to terminate her pregnancies, even though she was unable to parent the children she carried.
When my daughter came to us with the news of her unplanned pregnancy, she had not yet decided what to do. She considered all of her options, excluding adoption immediately. She knew that she would not be able to carry a pregnancy to term and then let that child go. She was unsure if she was "ready" to be a young, single mother. Her father told her to get ready - end of story. It was what he did at her age, in her situation.
All 3 of my children were unplanned pregnancies. And my youngest child was even an unplanned adoption. We weren't ready for her either, but we got ready. So I wrestle with guilt every time that I say that I am pro-choice. I do not wish that my children were aborted, obviously. Nor do I wish my grandaughter were aborted. But I feel very strongly that a woman should have the right to choose what to do with her own body, even if I could not make the same choice. Who am I to judge another? I can only make decisions that are right for myself, and what is right for me may not be what is right for someone else.
And so I stand my ground that I am pro-choice, but anti-abortion. Why can't I be both?

Why all the excuses?

I live in Central Florida, so other than news about the flooding from Fay, our tv stations are nothing but stories about the missing toddler, Caylee Anthony. From what I understand, the news is national.
What I DO NOT understand is all of the excuses being made. There is NO EXCUSE. If I hear one more time that "she considered adoption", I think I will throw the remote at the tv. Please, someone tell me what that has to do with the price of tea in China?? (Ok, so I just sounded like my mom there). Really though, it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that this woman, this mother, did something horrible to her child. I would bet there are millions of mothers who "considered adoption" and those mothers have not killed their children and lied to the police. Because she considered adoption she is a monster? Because that is what Casey Anthony is - a monster. Sorry, I just don't buy it.
My childrens' first mom not only CONSIDERED adoption, but actually went through with it - not once, but twice. What does that make her? As far as I am concerned, it makes her a damn good mother. And I resent the implication that she is anything but that. A good mother puts her child's needs above her own, and that is exactly what D did. For nine months, (and then another nine months 3 years later) she nurtured her growing baby, wrestling with how she was going to handle another child. She always wanted her children, still wants her children. Her heart breaks every day because she is not parenting 2 of them. She would never, ever harm any of her children - or any child, period. And so I take great offense when she is put into a category with someone like Casey Anthony.
The fact that Casey Anthony once considered adoption did not shine a spotlight on her with a warning "LIKELY TO KILL HER CHILD". It is irrelevant. If she killed her child (and right now it looks like she did), she did so because she is either ill or evil (or both). The fact that she even considered adoption tells me that she knew there were options available if she truly did not want to parent. She could have terminated the pregnancy. She could have placed Caylee for adoption; she could have allowed her parents to raise her. I wish the news reports would stop making excuses for this woman and realize that THERE IS NO EXCUSE.

Fay

As I mentioned before, I love my children. I really, really do. But G-d help me, today is day 3 that we are trapped indoors because of Fay. We have watched every DVD we own, played every board game, done every puzzle. Currently my children are fighting each other with lightsabers - any minute I am expecting a scream. And there it is...................
We have been very fortunate yet again, but many are not. Say a little prayer for those who have or will suffer tremendous loss from this storm. And say a little prayer for my sanity because it is very likely that school will be closed again tomorrow.

Adoption or just plain Motherhood?

I actually blogged about this on myspace. Adoption plays a very big role in my life. It isn't everything, but it's pretty darn huge. And so naturally things trigger me in that direction. For example - Monday was the first day of school. My son B is a 1st grader now and my daughter A is in Pre-K. I was having trouble breathing for an entire week. Not trouble breathing as in anxiety, but trouble breathing as in emotion overload. Now, I am not really a sappy person, but man, when it comes to my kids, I blubber at the drop of a hat.

Sunday night, after sending them to bed extra early ( gotta rest for school) I kept walking back to their rooms for one more kiss - as if willing them to NOT go to sleep. Once they fell asleep I knew the next "big" thing was going to be the goodbye at school. With each kiss goodnight I became a little more choked up.

As we got out of the car, I felt that familiar tightening in my chest and my eyes started to well up with ears. B looked at me and laughed "Mom, we aren't even IN the school yet". He had informed me the night before that he fully expected me to cry because I "always do when there is important stuff". By the time we got to his classroom, I could barely mutter out an "I love you", for fear of embarassing him with my waterworks.
Then I had to do it all over again, with my baby. A was beyond ready for school, and was rushing us along. Before I put the car in park it was there again. We get to her classroom and she says "you can cry now". I think I did a pretty good job until then.....

It's not that I don't love them every day, I do. But those milestones just throw me right over the edge. My heart gets so full that it aches. It fills with love and pride and joy - and even some sadness. I am proud and honored to be their mother, but I am sad for their other mother who is missing these milestones.
So I question, is it Adoption or is it just plain Motherhood that evokes these feelings? Is it because of all that we went through to become these childrens' parents? Or is just because we are their parents?

How I became A mom

I suppose I should start at the beginning. When I married my DH, I became a custodial stepmother to a 7 year old girl . We had dated for 3 years before getting married, so I thought the transition would be easy. Silly me. The sweet little princess wanted anything but a new mom. I was fine to hang out with, but not to live with. And so began our very tumultuous relationship. More on that later.......

On our first anniversary we decided to begin trying to conceive. Four years and lots of (infertility) drugs and money later, we decided to pursue adoption. The day after we scheduled to begin our homestudy, we came into contact with a young girl who wanted to place her unborn child with us. In 10 weeks time we had started and finished our adoption and had a son. It was to be an open adoption, and none of us knew what the hell we were doing. Again, more on that later....

Three years later, our son's first mom placed a second child with us - our daughter. I should have known that it couldn't possibly be that easy twice. Her adoption was contested by her biological father and was not finalized for 17 months. I'm sure I will talk about that too.

Three different ways and three different reasons made me the mom I am today. I am winging it and can only hope that I am doing a good job.

Intro

I'm just A mom. Doesn't really matter how I became one, does it?

Some days it does matter. Because though I am just any old mom in the traditional sense of the word, I am also a stepmom and an adoptive mom.
I wipe noses (and sometimes noses are wiped on me), clean up puke (also sometimes on me)and kiss boo-boos. I changed diapers, made bottles and paced floors.
I have navigated the treacherous waters of stepparenting, and I am still navigating the waters of open adoption. Some days are easy, others not so easy. But every day I am thankful that I AM a mom.

I am a thirty-something stay -at-home Mom, married to my beloved for 12 years. My (step)daughter is 20, my (a)son is almost 7 and my (a)daughter is 4. I became a (step)grandmother 3 months ago. I use the clarifications only in this intro, because in my life they are not necessary. My kids are my kids - two daughters and a son.